So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Drunk is a universal language darling
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
