Where did you get a picture of my penis
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Randomize
