literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Randomize
