I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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