Small penises have feelings too.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
