my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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