Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
