So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
