I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
