:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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