someone owes me an orgasm
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
