i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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