The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
