tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
