it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
