my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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