I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
