Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
