You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
