Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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