i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
