Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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