Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
