Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
