I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
The uberlube is also flammable
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
