Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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