how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
