i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
