I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
