do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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