I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Randomize
