is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
