By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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