I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
