I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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