found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
