I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Randomize
