i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
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