I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
