Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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