those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Randomize
