Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
