I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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