some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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