This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
