Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
