belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
i think i just lost a toe
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
