Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
