Pappa wants mamma naked
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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