You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
